Only the Truth will set you Free
by xXMarmiteluverXx
Summary: After Ruth gets married, Jay is devastated, but is he the only one. Both of them have to adjust to life without the other but is this possible? Can they discover what their ture feelings are? Onl the truth will set them free. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1  a new ruth

Ruth and Jay fic exploring what happens when you deny yourself your soul mate…

Please R&R – any constructive criticism much appreciated!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters; we owe that to the BBC.

Basically this is set a couple of days after the wedding, their sort of honeymoon weekend.

_He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me he, loves me not_

Ruth sat legs out in front of her, absent mindedly picking at a daisy she had found by her side. At first she had merely twirled its fragile stalk between thumb and forefinger, but, as ever, her thoughts had turned to more troubling matters. She found herself discarding its petals, school-girl fashion, one-by-one, a mirror of her six year old self. She ran out of petals, arriving at an answer that a young Ruth would have been thrilled at, but from which her confused mind and heart recoiled.

_He loves me_

Holding the gently drooping stalk loosely in her left hand, her gaze fell to her lap, where the pink-flushed petals pooled, confetti-like. Her hand dropped to her lap in a gesture of hopelessness at her predicament, the green stalk lying among the near white petals in her lap. She paused, reflected, and then with a sigh, promptly brushed away the painfully symbolic daisy remains from her skirt. They scattered amongst the dark blades of grass surrounding her. She sighed again.

'Darling, what's troubling you?'

It was Jonathon. He tenderly took her hand from her lap, concerned. Ruth brushed away the comment as swiftly as she had the daisy, moments before.

'Oh, nothing. Just, you know, work. Never really get away from it. You know how it is.' She gave him a reassuring smile that somehow failed to reach her eyes. He noticed but didn't mention it.

_The perfect gentleman, as always._

He put a comforting arm around her, offering his shoulder for her head to rest on.

'Don't worry yourself about that now. You aren't on shift now for a couple of days. We finally have a bit of time for each other. No distractions.'

Ruth muttered her assent grudgingly, 'Yeah.' She sighed again. He turned and kissed her forehead, hugging her closer for a moment before removing his arm from around her and slapping his legs enthusiastically.

'Right, I need a coffee. Let's see if we can't get your mind off work for at least a few hours.'

He pushed himself up onto his feet and reached down for her hands, pulling her up to join him.

xXx

_Delightful, just what I wanted._

Jay grimaced as he wiped the sick from the young woman's mouth, taking a glance down at his now soggy scrubs and his trainers, the regurgitated mess in a puddle at his feet.

'Could someone clean this up please?' He raised his voice, catching the attention of another nurse. He turned to the woman, passing her a dish just in case she threw up again. He put on his reassuring voice, 'You'll be fine, Ok? Just let me know if there's anything you need. Dr Reed will be here in a minute to find out the problem.'

Her face was young and pretty, but her eyes were tired and red and her face looked hollowed by illness. She would have been dateable if it weren't for the circumstances.

_She looks as bad as I feel._

The thought did nothing to reassure him. He drew the cubicle curtain behind him as he left to change, sighing. He passed Big Mack and Noel on his way.

'What's wrong with you today, young man?' Mack asked, nosey as ever, 'Girl as pretty as that, normally you'd be flirting like anything, but today, her eyelashes couldn't have fluttered more and you didn't even notice.'

'I'm fine. Just…not in the mood. I've got to change; I'll um see you later, right?'

As he sought out his locker and a new set of scrubs, Jay could almost feel the look that passed between Mack and Noel. It pained him how even his closest mates didn't realise how hurt he was. They knew, they just didn't understand. He pulled his scrubs off and found a new set, framing his face in calm and happiness he didn't feel before returning to the bustle of the ED.

xXx

They walked hand in hand, Ruth's fingers intertwined with those of her new husband. It felt strange, unfamiliar but good to feel the warmed metal of the ring on her finger, held in their grasp. She took a sip of her coffee, pensive again. She was startled out of her thoughts by an interjection by Jonathon.

'So, what do you think? After the hotel tonight?'

Ruth realised that she hadn't been paying attention.

'Sorry? I was somewhere else…'

'What about tomorrow? What would you like to do? I mean the hotel room is booked all weekend but we don't have to stay in the room. I want you to be happy.'

_Ironic words. What is happiness?_

Ruth looked her husband in his kind eyes.

'Why don't you decide? I don't have anything I particularly want to do. So long as I'm with you we'll make it work.'

He smiled and squeezed her hand.

'We'll have the perfect honeymoon weekend. You'll see. Just as long as you…' he dropped his cardboard coffee cup in a bin they were passing, '…stop…' he turned towards her, picking her up in his arms, ignoring her protests, '…worrying.' He leant in and kissed her. 'I love you darling – let's go back to the hotel shall we?'

As he put her down and they made their way back to the hotel Ruth couldn't help but smile at the dramatic romanticism of it all. She had all she had ever wanted within her grasp – perfect husband, perfect job within sight and perfect happiness – supposedly. She loved her husband but yet there was still a tiny part of her mind that reflected on the past. What she had lost. Though only a glimmer of dissent, it troubled her deeply. She couldn't help but wonder whether her feelings were reciprocated, at all, or if that part of her life was gone. A new Ruth.

So...I hope you liked it!

what will happen next?

i'm basing this next chapter on things that are alluded to in the series (or that we are actually told)  
It may take a while as i'm really busy at the moment by i will do my best!


	2. Chapter 2 The Beginning of a perfect day

**_So here's chapter 2..._**

**_sorry it tooks so long - just been so busy._**

**_this is loosly based on the ep where ruth goes for the job but doesn't get it. _**

**_Enjoy x x_**

_The beginnings of a perfect day_

Ruth felt optimistic as she sat in the passenger seat of her husband's car. With any luck she would soon be making some long-awaited progress in her dreams of becoming a surgeon. Of course it helped having her husband amongst those who would be making the decision.

'So you'll let me know…when I've got the position…won't you?'

Edward smiled kindly as he turned of the ignition and turned to face her. The expression formed small creases around his eyes as he held her gaze for a moment before looking down to undo his seat belt.

'You know nothing's certain yet. But yes, I'll let you know the outcome as soon as.'

He turned, pulling the door handle and they both got out of the car. Ruth walked round the bonnet to face her husband.

'How can I fail when I've got you right in there?'

She leant up towards him, one hand on his chest and they kissed.

_How can I fail?_

The thought gave Ruth comfort as they walked hand in hand to the doors of the ED. She had known Edward was right for her the moment they met. There was mutual respect, understanding and, crucially, his acceptance of her aims in her career and the importance this held for her. It seemed perfect. With him by her side she could become the brilliant doctor she had always dreamt of being. They parted ways by the lift, Edward embracing her and kissing her cheek before heading upstairs. She called after him, 'love you' as the lift doors closed, then headed to get changed.

xXx

_Boring, boring, boring. I love my job._

Jay bent over the counter at reception, filling in yet another form.

'I don't see why Tess needs all these done now. It's a nightmare. All these stupid questions,' He read one out to Noel who wasn't really paying attention, '_Have you met all procedures following amendments to the Health and Safety regulations of your workplace/environment _blah blah blah, what a load of cra…' He noticed the wary expression that had come across Noel's face as he minimised the webpage he had been looking at. He turned. 'Tess, just filling in these um… forms. Um, I'm almost done.' He smiled, trying to turn her concerned frown into a slightly less disapproving stare.

'Good, then you can help Dr Reid clear these cubicles. There's a Mr Johnston in cubicle 5, child called Henry in cubicle 2, oh and Mrs Jenkins is back, could you please deal with her – she seems to like you.'

She handed him the patient cards then hurried off.

_Good morning to you too._

Jay smiled at Tess's focus. He would never in a million years envy her position but she certainly liked handing out heaps of work.

'Phew, that was a close one'

Noel had restored his page and was surfing for miniature figurines of goodness only knows what. Jay laughed at this comment, returning to his form. As he turned back he couldn't help but notice Ruth walking in with Edward. The sight made his anger boil up inside. He moved out of their line of sight and finished off the form.

_What could have been._

The thought still made him feel sick. He couldn't help but feel it was mainly his fault. He had been the one that had broken it off, after he had found out about the abortion. At that point it had seemed right – he had thought he would never forgive her. But it had taken her marriage to make him realise that forgiveness was nothing in the long run. Without Ruth, he felt nothing.

xXx

_This could be my last shift in the ED._

Ruth smiled. Finally her life was falling into place. She had already dealt with four patients, one of whom had had a nasty dislocated hip which she had managed to single-handedly manipulate back into place. She looked up at the screen, smiling to herself as she noted that none of her patients were remotely near breaching point.

'Good night last night eh?'

Lenny's joking comment caused Ruth to jump, turning round to call after him.

'At least I have someone to share it with'

The insult was meant to hurt. Ruth didn't like the cocky way that Lenny had taken his place amongst the ED doctors. She resented his confidence even though some small part of her told her that she had been just the same. All the same, what she had said didn't sit as easy with her conscience as she would have thought. She checked her phone. No message from Edward yet, but that could just mean the decision was taking a bit longer. No need to worry. She was practically made for this job.

xXx

_Still as fiery as ever. _

Jay watched Lenny walk away from Ruth shaking his head and couldn't help but smile. Ruth could turn the smirk of any man into sheepish surprise with her icy comments. He looked wistfully at the woman he had lost, caught in a downwards spiral of regret and sadness at his predicament.

'Cheer up mate, looks like you've seen a ghost'

Mac came round the corner pushing a trolley full of clean blankets.

'Nah, just…thinking'

Jay picked up notes and went to the next cubicle where a young man was refusing to let go of his bag.

'It's ok Cathy, I've got this.'

He held the curtain open for the other nurse to leave before approaching the man.

_This is going to be a long day._

xXx

_He's taking his time._

Ruth looked at her watch yet again before turning to cubicle seven. If Edward didn't arrive soon, she would have to take a break. She wouldn't admit it but her nerves were going haywire and despite her cool outward appearance, she was feeling the effects of her worry. She had already started to insult half her colleagues – Big Mac, Lenny, Noel and Kirsty – she didn't think they would stand for much more. Opening the curtain she found Jay, just placing the bag he had wrested from the young man in the bed on the floor beside it. The man made to jump out of the bed and grab the bag again but Ruth stopped him.

'I wouldn't if I were you.'

Her tone carried authority that surprised even Jay. He looked round, muttering to the man as he did so, 'I'd do what she says.'

'What was that nurse Faldron?'

'Oh Nothing' Jay was both amused and scared of her tone of voice and wasn't ready to cross her. The whole experience wasn't going to be much fun, but it would carry a whole other feeling once he related it to Mac and Noel at the pub that night.

_Get rid of him or this will be awkward._

It already was awkward but Ruth still wanted Jay gone. She couldn't concentrate with him there and she felt that having any sort of meaningful conversation over a patient was highly unprofessional.

'Are you done here?' Her question carried a meaningful message.

_Nothing, please nothing – not here, not now. Later._

He seemed to understand. She couldn't help admiring this. He had always understood her, more than she had understood herself. He nodded curtly and flashed towards her a look that made his intentions clear. He wanted to talk. He definitely wouldn't wait much longer. Ruth nodded back. She couldn't avoid this for much longer. It had all been highly embarrassing after he had turned up at her wedding. She hadn't been able to face him and his injured feelings since then. What they had had was over – had been over since he had found out about the abortion. Why couldn't he just accept it?

**_So, a meaningful conversation to follow. Will the rest of the day be as perfect as it started out to be?_**

**_xx_**


	3. Author Note

**Ok.**

**So I think a profuse apology is in order for anyone who has been waiting (and has probable given up waiting by now) for me to update this story…I got caught up in lots of Extended Project and coursework assignments in the autumn and spring terms and by the time I was free to dedicate some time to writing, the story had run away from me, as is the nature of weekly programmes. **

**I feel that my original intentions for this story are no longer applicable but am in the process of revising the material I have already half written in order to create a half decent conclusion to the whole Jay/Ruth mess! **

**I'll try and get something up ASAP :D**

**Much love xx**


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